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Nothing makes any sense and nothing stays in the same place for long. Fleeting thoughts, I am constantly distracted by nothing. That relentless whirlwind of nagging guilt, a hangover from my upbringing, is there to remind me that I need to stop and to continue. I have always submitted in life. To my parents. I relinquished the volition to rebel without any memory of doing so. It was consoling, the power they wielded, no matter how hard they were on me. I am that little girl you want to take in, the receptive little girl. In this fashion, I yearn to be a child again and yet, I hated every moment of my carefree childhood. I have, for a long time, relished my complexity as a human being. I am forever elusive, even to myself. Constant oscillation, and the whirlwind makes its appearance again. Who am I beneath this skin and these bones that seemingly link me to others around me? Who do they know resides there? It excites me to entertain these thoughts. But I am lost. Lost in a. When I got out, he had already vacated his seat at the bar and left. I nodded my appreciation to the bartender and left a belated tip in the jar at the near corner. She smiled at me - I came in every week or so, and she seemed to recognize me - and then, much to my surprise, winked at me. "That's another load of trouble that I don't need," I muttered to myself.It took me only a few seconds after walking out the door to realize that her wink had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with what had happened earlier. As I walked out the door, a voice called from behind me "going somewhere?"It was him, misted over in his charcoal overcoat and breathing steam in the cool night air. My knees weakened a bit as he walked toward me and brushed me on my upper arm. "I thought we had a good thing going there." Going, I was just...I was going," I stammered, my body shaking and knees getting weaker. The only part of me that didn't seem affected was my cock, which was growing harder by the.
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